literature

In Her Eyes

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xTwistedxIllusionsx's avatar
Published:
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Literature Text

I see her standing there
Alone, lost in her thoughts
Troubled visions and a broken home
Pain the only thing her life has brought

Her eyes tell a story
Of pain and despair
Her unspoken suffering revealed
But it’s not like anyone cares

Tears spill over
And roll down her face
Her silent cries echo around
In her life she sees so bleak

I watch as she reaches
Again for the blade
With each cut she prays
Her memories will fade

I reach out to her
Outstretching my arm
Maybe I could save her
From her self inflicted harm

She reaches up to my hand
And my fingers touch the glass
The coldness of the mirror
Reflective of my heart

I turn away my head
And wipe a trickling tear
Pull down my jumper sleeve
Away from eyes that peer

I turn my back on myself
All hope has been lost
For all of the torment, the pain, the tears
My life, the final cost
Finally finished... this one took me a while.
Well, erm, just read it...
© 2006 - 2024 xTwistedxIllusionsx
Comments33
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taintedbliss's avatar
Here's some constructive critique I hope it helps :)
Troubled visions and a broken home
Pain the only thing her life has brought

I'd suggest either a comma or hyphen after 'Pain' :) Other than that it flowed pretty nicely! :D

Troubled visions and a broken home
Pain the only thing her life has brought


Hmm you repeated pain again after two lines... Try to refrain from that darling... Repetative words get boring unless they're deliberate :)

I reach out to her
Outstretching my arm

:) I'm not too sure about outstretching... I think stretching out would suit better but that's just me ^^;

Your last stanza is AWESOME!!! :wow: :)

Overall, it's really nicely written! Nice flow, great visuals... :D A little sad, yes but you've done it perfectly well without overdoing it and making it corny... :+fav: